Explaining a Grandparents Memory Loss to Grandchildren
Children are resilient. They are also curious, honest, and observant and often family members think a grandchild won’t notice the changes in a grandparent a dementia diagnosis can bring. Trying to cover up for Grandpa’s changes in remember things by responding that “Grandpa is just joking around,” or blaming it on old age, experts say that without direct answers, children reach their own conclusion which can be frightening to them. When a child is seeing one thing and being told another, the results can often cause confusion and anxiety in the child.
Understanding dementia or Alzheimer’s disease as a child or an adolescent can be difficult, but having open communication will help the child feel a sense of security and overall well-being. Below are tips on helping children understand dementia and suggestions that can teach the child patience and empathy and minimize any fears the child may have.
- Explaining to the child that grandmother has a condition and cannot remember things like she used to, making it hard sometimes to do even easy things.
- Assure the child he/she cannot “catch” the condition and that they can still play with his/her grandparent.
- Explain what is happening when the child sees something that Grandpa does or says. Grandpa may have confused words when asking for something,
- Be truthful with age-appropriate answers and help the child find activities to continue being connected with Grandpa. Explaining to a 14 year old grandchild why Grandpa needs someone to help him bathe, or helping a 5 year old grandchild understand why Grandpa cannot make his famous cookies anymore, can be explained in terms that they can understand.
- Be creative and develop a list of activities for them to do together so you are not caught off guard and can intervene with a fun experience at a moment’s notice to minimize anxiety for both.
- Activities for them to do together can include singing, reading to each other, watch animal video’s, play musical instruments together or watch the birds on the feeders while enjoying a snack.
- Visit your library and find books that explains dementia. There are many to choose from that are appropriate for younger children, and chapter books that adolescents can learn from.
- Most importantly, reinforce that no matter how confused Grandpa is, and that Grandpa may not even remember your name sometimes, “he will always loves you very much.”
If you, a friend or family member living with memory loss would be interested in learning more about our Memory Ministry or our Memory Café, please contact Vicky Pitner at vpitner@firstumc.org