Celebrating Grandparents Day on Sunday
In 1978, President Jimmy Carter signed a proclamation creating National Grandparents Day to honor and show love for the older generations in our families. The first Sunday following Labor Day is set aside each year as an opportunity to pause and appreciate grandparents and grand-friends for their contributions to families, neighborhoods, and communities.
Grandparents have always played an important role in families, but due to changing circumstances the past forth-five years, the responsibility of grandparents is increasing. More and more grandparents are providing childcare for their grandchildren while the parent works, or actually raising their grandchildren because the parent is physically or emotionally unavailable to their children due to incarceration, substance abuse or other unfortunate situations.
According to Generations Unites, when grandparents are raising their grandchildren and live in the same home, these families are often referred to as “Grandfamilies” and more than 6 million youth in the US are being raised by a grandparent. But what if one grandparent is diagnosed with a neurocognitive disorder such as dementia or Alzheimer’s disease? Often, the spouse of the person living with memory loss will take on the responsibility of supporting the “Grandfamily,” and the grandchildren may be asked to actively help with support. Whether engaging with the grandparent in activities or assisting with any personal care, children are resilient, curious, honest, and observant and notices the changes in the grandparent living with dementia.
Trying to cover up for Grandpa’s change in behavior by responding “Grandpa is just joking around,” or blaming it on old age, experts say that without direct answers, children reach their own conclusion which can be frightening to them. When a child is seeing one thing and being told another, the results can often cause anxiety in the child.
Understanding dementia or Alzheimer’s disease as a child or adolescent can be difficult, but having open communication will help the child feel a sense of security and overall well-being. Below are tips on helping children understand dementia and suggestions that can teach the child patience and empathy and minimize any fears the child may have.
- Explaining to the child that Grandpa has an illness in his brain and cannot remember things and that makes it hard for Grandpa to do some things he used to do, may help the child understand.
- Assure the child he/she cannot “catch” the illness and that they can still play with his/her grandparent.
- Explain what is happening when the child sees something that Grandpa does or says. Grandpa may have confused words when asking for something,
- Be truthful with age-appropriate answers and help the child find activities to continue being connected with Grandpa. Explaining to a 14 year old grandchild why Grandpa needs someone to help him bathe, or helping a 5 year old grandchild understand why Grandpa cannot make his famous cookies anymore can be explained in terms that they can understand.
- Be creative and develop a list of activities for them to do together so you are not caught off guard and can intervene with a fun experience at a moment’s notice to minimize anxiety for both.
- Activities for them to do together can include singing, reading to each other, watch animal video’s, play musical instruments together or watch the birds on the feeders while enjoying a snack.
- Most importantly, reinforce that no matter how confused Grandpa is, and that Grandpa may not even remember your name sometimes, “Grandpa always loves you very much.”
Celebrating and honoring the lives, achievements, and contributions of all grandparents this Sunday will help cherish their legacy and reinforce our commitment to support and appreciate their lived experiences.
If you would like more information about our Memory Ministry, our Monday morning Memory Cafe, or our Family and Friends Workshops, please contact Vicky at vpitner@firstumc.org.