Communicating Effectively with Someone Living with Dementia
Supporting an individual with cognitive challenges has its difficulties. The brain’s ability to process and respond to information declines with a diagnosis such as dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. Below are strategies that may help improve communication with an individual living with dementia.
- Be patient, giving enough time for your loved one to respond in conversation. An individual with cognitive challenges can take longer to put his/her thoughts together.
- Be mindful of the expectations you have on someone with memory loss.
- Replace the word “remember” with either “reminisce” or “recall” or “I was thinking about..” These words put less pressure on an individual who may feel ashamed when she/he is having trouble “remembering” things.
- Emotional memories remain with us the longest, and a person with dementia may accuse or try to confront a loved one of a conflict that happened years ago that was “resolved at the time of the event.” However, the person with memory loss may not have truly resolved the conflict and thus will continue to try to resolve it now, which causes stress for the person involved in conflict. You can’t tell them what to do, but you can tell then what you will do. “If you talk about thi,s I going to leave the room.” Trying rationalize with someone who is not rational does not work.
- Be careful not to scold your loved one when he/she repeat a question you have already answered. They don’t recall they asked the question. Instead just kindly answer the question, thus saving the individual feelings of shame.
- When attending social gatherings or when out in public with your loved one try to find quiet spaces to take breaks, and communicate wants and/or needs with each other to decrease feeling of being overwhelmed.
- Try your best not to correct your loved one when they inform you that they did or didn’t do something; such as eating lunch. This will simply cause feelings of shame or sadness. Instead, divert attention with an activity they love, tell them they will eat soon, or just make them a snack.
- Open-ending questions are difficult for someone with memory loss. To save face when the person with dementia is asked a question they have no answer for, they can quickly fill in the blank with a “made up” answer. They are not purposely lying, but are only trying to avoid embarrassment because they don’t remember. Being asked questions can be overwhelming to the person and trigger a dementia behavioral symptom.
- Use positive and encouraging language. This will help your loved one to feel successful, and also help you enjoy a smoother day.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou
If you would like more information about our Memory Ministry, our Monday morning Memory Cafe, or our Virtual Caregiver’s Support group please contact Vicky at vpitner@firstumc.org.